Midwestern Gothic

…er, distraction, I guess, would be more appropriate.  I know lately it’s seemed like the Matt Show around here, but rest assured, we’re working on some very big things here at MG, namely trying to get our sister site (my baby) www.WhoIsSaintJames.com off the ground.  If you’re out of the loop or not one of three people I speak to on a regular basis, Saint James is a comic book company started by Jesse and myself, which we’ll be rolling out toward the end of February at the Florida Mega Con.  Not sure what to expect surrounded by nerds, geeks, and dorks for three days straight but…should be interesting.

Stay tuned and ciao.

However major or minor, we (almost) always wish our friends here at MG speedy recoveries for any ailments that may afflict them.  Long-time collaborator Classic Jef has recently come down with a…well…you know…”thing”, but he assures me he is doing fine, folks.

In fact, he even sent in a pic of himself smiling…a little pick-me-up to brighten our days:

Yikes.  Yama-hama.  Wow…good, er…luck, Jeff.

Jesus…

PS - Kicking mustache, though.

Chalk this one up as just plain dumb.  And annoying.  Dumb and annoying.

Detroit criminal defense lawyer James Howarth, described as a “veteran” of law, whatever that means, is very upset about a recent dispute with the IRS. Apparently, he received a letter from the Internal Revenue Service stating he owed them money and, if not paid promptly, would accumulate interest and/or penalties.

Yikes!  Bad news, unless what you owe is actually five cents! Yes, he owes them a nickel.

Now, for most of us, as ridiculous as the amount is, we’d just write a check, mail it out, and be done with it. I mean, after all, it’s a stupid nickel. Right? Not James!  He’s upset about it because:

As he figures it, there is the 5 cents plus the cost of a check — payment must be made by check or money order. Then there is his CPA’s fee, an envelope, his secretary’s time, his own time and a 42-cent stamp.

And, by his calculations, the costs are several hundred times over what he actually owes.

I don’t really even know what to say. First of all, I’m a bit shocked someone wrote an article about this, and second, PAY THE STUPID NICKEL AND QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!! It’s really, really simple. I have a feeling, being a veteran of the law, you’ve managed to save up some money, but if you really need help, I’ll give you the nickel, provide the envelope, and lick the stamp if you promise to quit wasting everyone’s time.

But don’t worry, folks.  Like a real Hollywood thriller, things take an interesting turn from here.

James actually received a second letter shortly after the first, presumably while he was sulking/mediating on the nickel fiasco, telling him there was an error and that he was supposed to receive a four cent refund, which he has to pick up himself. So clearly the IRS is either playing a joke, or is bored as well, but at any rate, again, this should be the point in time when most people, sane people, rip up the envelope and go about their lives. Who cares about four cents?

James does! His main argument:

“When I owe them a nickel, I must pay them,” he said. “It’s not optional. But when they owe me, I have to ask for it.”

Yes, that’s right. And I have a feeling if they owed you $1000, you wouldn’t be complaining. You’d be in your car at the IRS within the hour.  I’m sure you could argue the principle of the matter until you’re blue in the face, but you could do that about anything. I hate taking the trash out, but it needs to get done. A McDonald’s Fish-wich is disgusting, yet people order them during Lent all the time. They want you to pick up a nickel, so either go pick it up or forget about it. If your argument is how unfair this all is, I think you are wasting everyone’s time.

And, just to prove he has a sense of humor, or maybe he actually means it, who knows, James goes on to say:

“I might apply for a bailout […]”

Reading this article has made me realize two things: 1.) I would never hire this guy to be my attorney…EVER, and 2.) The IRS never quits, not even for chump change.

Check out the article here.

Ciao.

…there’s nothing worse than having almost two weeks off from not only work, but life as you know it, only to be shoved back in the afterbirth that is Nine-to-Five-opolis. Now, I love my job, I do, but what I don’t love is waking up before noon, driving through traffic, and sitting at my desk without having been able to watch a double dose of Saved by the Bell or Murphy Brown. It’s how I start my day! (Just for the record, for all you nitpickers, I watch my eppies online. I’ll be buggered if I get up at 6AM to watch television. Blech!)

And, I think now’s a good time to bring up the fact that every time I stare into Renny Harlin’s mug, my soul cries out and shrivels up a bit…actually, quite a bit.

Damn you!

Anyway, assuming Mr. Harlin and his cronies stay away from me and MG for an extended period of time, regular posting should resume shortly.

Ciao.

Those of us from MG would like to wish you, dear readers, a fantastic Holiday Season.  We’ll be closing our offices for a few days so we can spend time playing a lot of Super NES and drinking Christmas-themed variety six-packs, but rest-assured, we will be back in the New Year ready to pander to you and your insatiable lust for the truth.

I’m just going to be blunt here: Heath Campbell is an idiot. Really.

Recently, his wife Deborah went to a local supermarket to get a cake decorated for their three-year-old son’s birthday bash, only to be denied. Turns out, the supermarket employees thought what Mama Campbell wanted printed on the dessert was “inappropriate.’’Feeling he had been slighted , Heath went on the offensive:

“There’s a new president and he says it’s time for a change; well, then it’s time for a change…They need to accept a name. A name’s a name.”

Why all this hullabaloo, you ask?

He named his kid Adolph Hitler. Ugh…seriously. Again, Heath:

“I think people need to take their heads out of the cloud they’ve been in and start focusing on the future and not on the past…No one else in the world would have that name.”

Is that your argument? You named him Adolph Hitler Campbell because no one else would ever have that name?  And it’s hard to focus on the present when you’ve named your child after the most notorious criminal in human history. I mean…c’mon, idiot. Think a little bit!  Can you honestly say you didn’t think people would throw up a fuss (rightfully so) when you picked out that name?

If I think of the name Kyle, for instance, I think of a handful of kids I knew growing up, some good, some bad.   Even the name Adolph…that’s a fine name, in its own right, and very popular in certain parts of the world, if I’m to understand correctly. But Adolph Hitler conjures up just one man, and one man only.  There isn’t a spectrum of Adolph Hitlers you knew/know like the name Brian or Steve or Jimmy.  There is no confusing this name.

Heath claims all of his ancestors are from Germany, and that he was raised to properly appreciate his heritage. Fine. But I’m English and I’m not planning on naming my kid Reggie Kray or Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

And to prove he’s really not a racist, Heath invited some “mixed kids” (his words) to his son’s birthday party. He says:

“If we’re so racist, then why would I have them come into my home?”

That’s a good question…BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO TRAP THEM! GET OUT, KIDS!

But seriously, this guy is a moron of the highest caliber. On top of the excruciating cultural faux pas he and his wife committed, he went even further, naming his eldest daughter JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, which is far superior to Katy IHateBlacks Campbell, their original choice.

Check out the story here.

Ciao.